“If you like watching naked people have sex, it’s incredibly hot.” –-Sharon (Noël VanBrocklin), a character in Witchcraft XVI: Hollywood Coven, reviewing Witchcraft XI: Sisters in Blood, and by extension, every other Witchcraft picture As I write these words, Witchcraft XVI: Hollywood Coven is the last of the direct-to-video Witchcraft movies, and there’s a clear […]
A review requested by David, with thanks to supporting Alternate Ending as a donor through Patreon. Do you have a movie you’d like to see reviewed? This and other perks can be found on our Patreon page! Miike Takashi’s whole “thing”, as I suppose most people who know two things about him are aware (if […]
1996’s Witchcraft VIII: Salem’s Ghost is what you might call the Halloween III: Season of the Witch of the Witchcraft series. By this I do not mean that it was initially regarded as a terrible misstep that was later rediscovered by a later generation of series fans who considered it to be something of a […]
We’ve got to start somewhere, so why not with the question that I’ve been kicking around in my head since I finished Space Jam: A New Legacy: how can anyone worship a God vindictive and hateful enough to allow this movie to exist? No wait, that’s the other question I’ve been kicking around. The one […]
It only took nineteen years, but with Lake Placid: Legacy, a 2018 made-for-Syfy thriller that could be retitled and made a standalone project at the expense of absolutely nothing other than two lines of dialogue, the franchise quit beating the odds. This is every bit the piece of inane dogshit that one would expect from […]
2004’s Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid is pretty fucking dumb. So what? 1997’s Anaconda is also pretty fucking dumb, and is nevertheless one of the most entertaining creature features of its decade. But there is one extremely important difference between the two films: Anaconda had Jon Voight giving one of the most unapologetically […]
The 2014 film Unfriended (released in 2015) was a pretty banal ghost story in which a bunch of generic teenagers are taken to task for their past sins in the matter of a bullied girl who committed suicide. It would be almost insufferably generic and forgettable, except for one very important thing: the entire film […]
I’m torn. On the one hand, Amityville Dollhouse is the worst motherfucking thing ever. On the other, it’s the first entry in the barely-connected Amityville franchise to have a Dutch Colonial house prominently figure into the plot since Amityville 3-D, 13 years earlier, back when they were still getting theatrical releases. Back to the first […]
I’m going to chalk it up to some movie-watching form of Stockholm syndrome, or maybe just having my quality needle wrenched out of alignment by the series, but Amityville: A New Generation, struck me as astonishingly close to not completely terrible. The 1993 film brings us to the end of the John G. Jones era […]
It is only in relationship to Amityville 4: The Evil Escapes and The Amityville Curse that what I’m about to say is true in even the most relative sense, but: Amityville 1992: It’s About Time is… not the worst thing? The film (which has since been rebranded without that “1992”, and why not? It didn’t […]
The Amityville Curse wasn’t the worst Amityville film at the time it came out (no haunted lamp, no sale). But it was undoubtedly the most boring, and isn’t that really just as bad? At least Amityville 4: The Evil Escapes lets you gape at it with unreasoning bafflement that numerous intelligent people decided to make […]
This is nitpicky, but I have to get it off my chest: 1992’s Prom Night IV: Deliver Us from Evil is not about prom (which annoys me), but it does take place on prom night, and the main characters are making a specific choice not to be at prom, so it can rightly be considered […]
