The second-worst month of the year is upon us, and it brings with it the usual slate of crap and Oscar bait making its flyover country debut
6.1.2006
Let’s see…Hostel, which the advertising desperately wants you to believe came from the mind of Quentin Tarantino, was actually written and directed by Eli Roth. It’s apparently very violent. I don’t know, I enjoy a good crappy horror film as much as the next man, maybe I’ll give it a whirl. Also, Grandma’s Boy, one of those Adam Sandler-produced films that looks like it could be a Sandler vehicle if only he didn’t have so much artistic integrity. And, of course, BloodRayne, the newest film by Uwe “Alone in the Dark” Boll. Which alone would qualify it for “worst film of the year” consideration, but then there’s the the IMDb synopsis: “In eighteenth century Romania, Rayne, a dhampir (half-human, half-vampire), prone to fits of blind blood…” Priceless.
13.1.2006
The New World hits the non-NY/LA world, and the rest of us get to orgasm over the prettiest damn 65mm golden hour nature footage of the year. Yeah, there’s probably a plot there, too.
Queen Latifah stars in what is likely to be yet another waste of her talent, the dramedy (Worst. Genre. Ever) Last Holiday. The good news is that it’s a remake of an Alec Guinness vehicle, so at least it’s got a pedigree. Glory Road is a dreadful-looking “inspiring power of college sports” film by Disney, and I’ll ban anyone who actually pays money to see it. Last and probably least is Tristan & Isolde, an MTV-era take on the Arthurian legend of star-crossed lovers. Yes, it’s Arthurian. Yes, I’ll be giving my hard-earned $6.75 to see it. No, I won’t see it before The New World.
20.1.2006
Underworld: Evolution. Because the world really needed that. I wanted really bad to think that the original was fun, but it was really just grating. Transamerica hits wide, and I don’t imagine I need to spread my opinion of that film again. Then there’s the most curious release of the month, and maybe the year and the decade: Albert Brooks’ Looking for Comedy in the Muslim World. I don’t know what to make of it. I trust Brooks, but the trailer just isn’t funny or compelling, and I’ll bet my year’s salary that at the end we find that just because Muslims are morbidly unfunny doesn’t mean that they’re not people too, dammit! Will I see it? Probably.
27.1.2006
Less important than any of the films opening today is the glorious B-Fest, traditionally the best day of the year (especially for me this year, when it was in fact the last good day of 2005. Fucking cancer).
There are movies: Annapolis, a rousing “hurrah for our young men in uniform” type film that will of course prove to be a pack of lies; Big Momma’s House 2, and again, why? Nanny McPhee, which, I don’t know, might be cute, and it has a divinely inspired cast; Imagine Me & You, which looks all gender-bendery, “is she a lesbian?” indie rom-com crappy in the most leaden and obvious way possible (the trailer is unbearable); and Tristram Shandy: A Cock and Bull Story, the new Steve Coogan/Michael Winterbottom film that looks like Adaptation. on steroids, and is probably the most exciting release of the month for me.
Lastly, Steven Soderbergh’s Bubble, which right now is primarily buzzing because its theatrical, cable and DVD releases will all occur on the same day. Which means I’ll be able to watch it in the Evanston CinéArts 6, and then walk right across the street to Borders to buy it, just like I did for the Kill Bill Volume 1 soundtrack.