Discovering good movies, one bad movie at a time

We’re almost coming to the climax of the most successful erotic film series of all time, with the release of Fifty Shades Freed. To celebrate, the Alternate Ending team is getting all hot and bothered as our threesome goes all the way in talking about our favorite sex scenes in all the movies.

In Worth Mentioning, Carrie talks about Mudbound, while Tim shares his thoughts on both The Greatest Showman and Marjorie Prime. Also, thanks to Patreon Julian DeBerry, the crew talks about In the Mood for Love.

Rob

Titanic (1997)
3
Brokeback Mountain (2005)
1
Atonement
2
Showgirls (1995)
11
A History of Violence (2005)
0

Carrie

The Notebook
6
Enemy at the Gates (2001)
0
Risky Business (1983)
0
Love & Other Drugs (2010)
0
Swimfan (2002)
0

Tim

In the Realm of the Senses (1976)
4
Y tu mamá también (2001)
2
Je, Tu, Il, Elle (1976)
0
Titanic (1997)
3
Weekend (2011)
3

52 Responses so far.

  1. I hate all that puffing and panting business. I usually can’t wait for it to be over.

    In films, mind. Not IRL.




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  2. The crude remarks from Tim will be endless.

    Don’t Look Now
    North by Northwest (this counts, right?)
    Damage
    In the Realm of the Senses
    Jason Goes to Hell: Uncut (the only kill in the series that occurs during the moment, I believe)




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  3. I put all my chips on the inexplicable hot tub sex scene that is the only good moment in the otherwise unbearable 1982 slasher MADMAN!




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  4. Andrew Linnehan says:

    First of all, that art is incredible… Second of all, the sex w/ the stripper in Very Bad Things has gotta be up there. I don’t know if the result of the sex makes it better or worse.




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    • Robert Jarosinski Robert Jarosinski says:

      Hey buddy…great pick! All I could think about was how much I love Very Bad Things when I begrudgingly watched A Rough Night recently…hope you and the fam are doing well!




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  5. victor says:

    5. “Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones” (2002) – The Kamino facility scene
    4. “Multiplicity” (1996) – The scene with Dr. Leeds near the beginning of the movie
    3. “Star Trek: Nemesis” (2002 — good year for sex in film!) – The scene where Picard meets Shinzon for the first time
    2. “Parts: The Clonus Horror” (1979) – The scene at the going away party early in the film
    1. “World of Tomorrow” (2015) – I haven’t seen the second one yet, so I don’t know if anything in there tops the discussion about Emily’s husband, David.




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  6. WBTN says:

    1. At least one third of Y Tu Mama Tambien
    2. Don’t Look Now
    3. Je Tu Il Elle
    4. Wild Things (could’ve gone with Showgirls’s chest-fucking, but this one is actually erotic instead of just trashy)
    5. …and I guess Wet Hot American Summer, maybe. I forget if Law of Desire had a full-on sex scene in it, but it’s awful horny anyways.

    Honorable Non-erotic Mention to Female Trouble. Divine fucks Divine!




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  7. Jess says:

    1. Mr and mrs Smith. 2. Before midnight. 3.The spectacular now. 4. The unbearable lightness of being- (the one with teraza and sabina on the couch) 5. Original sin




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  8. The Concise Statement says:

    1. Monster’s Ball – “feel good” scene
    (Actually saw this with family and against all odds wasn’t embarrassing because we all understood how the outburst of intimacy washed away – temporarily – the characters’ pent up hate and disappointment.)
    2. Leaving Las Vegas – climax [ba-dum]
    (A cleansing, soulful grace note between two thoroughly self destructive creatures with an as-always underrated Elisabeth Shue.)
    3. Boogie Nights – Dirk and Amber
    (One sequence that helps this film double as a remarkable Julianne Moore acting showreel.)
    4. The Wings of the Dove – final love scene
    (HBC is astounding, telling the end of the story and the depth of helplessness without words.)
    5. Oldboy – Dae-su and Mi-do
    (Second viewing is… quite something.)

    This will make for an outstanding podcast simply because it’s going to necessitate the three of you opening an hilariously awkward conversation about what constitutes sex.

    Honourable mention to the hallway scene in Unfaithful because Diane Lane is a right wee sort.




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  9. Stevie says:

    I can’t wait for the ten minutes that the three of you will have to spend being pedantic on what is a sex scene and what makes a great sex scene. My own poor criteria: I like it and I can hopefully describe the reasons without sounding too much like a Mr Skin post.

    5. Oldboy (2003) – In the entire history of cinema, is there a sex scene as plot-critical as this?

    Placeholder: Oh wait, yes there are. Loads of them. Shout-out to The Terminator, another fellow non-romance film with a super-duper important sex scene.

    4. Team America: World Police (2004) – There are probably many funny ones out there, but the first time I saw this, I laughed so hard I gave myself an asthma attack.

    Placeholder: The Room. I have never seen Showgirls.

    3. Don’t Look Now (1973) – A real game-changer. Controversial scenes come and go, but what interests me is not the “DID DEY REELLY DO EET?” debate, but how it intercuts with the boring clean up afterwards. Combined with the flute-infused background muzak, it made sex as mundane as putting on socks.

    Placeholder: There are as many non-erotic sex films as there are stars, but Blue Valentine for me takes the cake.

    2. Brokeback Mountain (2006) – I spent the first thirty minutes willing those two to JUST FUCK ALREADY. By the time they finally got around to the business of actually doing it, it’s all cathartic release. And is that not what great romantic movies are for?

    Placeholder: Atonement. Cos goddamn that green dress is so hot.

    1. Her (2013) – Much to my embarrassment, this is the time I realised that just hearing audio is enough for me.

    Placeholder: Of course, Blade Runner 2049 is the closest thing to this, with a much more interesting concept and visual execution. Had the scene progressed to the actual smexing, it would beat Her hands down.

    My list skews so modern it is so bad. Can’t wait for Tim to educate all of us on the history of lovemaking scenes in the 1920s.




    4
  10. I’m defining sex scene to include two or more characters touching private parts. For my money, the scene in Bonnie and Clyde where Clyde shows Bonnie his gun and she goads him to “use it” is hotter than some of the scenes I’m listing, but it’s just flirtation and symbolic sex, not actual sex. Likewise, I’m ruling out the shower scene from Starship Troopers, though I think the grin Dena Myers gives at the end is the sexiest thing in cinematic history. Ditto the tattoo scene in Foxfire (1996).

    Also gonna limit myself to one scene per film:

    1) Breathless (1983) – the scene where he takes off her towel. Cool characters, hot bodies.
    2) Bound – the scene on the couch. “If I say yes, will you take your hand away?” “No.” Yes!” The seduction is so hot, I would have ranked this first, but the line about her father’s hands is creepy.
    3) Daredevil (theatrical cut). The one and only advantage the theatrical version has over the director’s cut is the sex scene. Easily the sexiest moment in any comic book movie, for whatever that’s worth.
    4) Fast Times at Ridgemont High – the pool fantasy scene.
    5) Hot Shots Part Deux. Proves a film can be funny and sexy at the same time.




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  11. Tyler "Bio" Rodriguez says:

    Okay who’s going to be the one who says Blue is the Warmest Color? Cause it ain’t gonna be Tim, or maybe it will I don’t know. Me personally I’ll go more creative and say Anomalisa.




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  12. Yourself says:

    I know this outs me as a sociopath, but watching two people kiss makes my stomach turn. I have no problem with participating in kissing, or with porn, but close-ups of human mouths and amplified human mouth sounds really disgust me. So take this top 5 with a grain of [psychiatric health advice].

    1.) PARENTS – That perfect location of black comedy what you see is beyond absurd but you’re definitely not laughing
    2.) BASKETCASE 2 – wherein takes place probably not the first sex scene with puppets, nor the last, but hopefully the most vigorous.
    3.) THE MAN WHO FELL TO EARTH – the applesauce one where we really learn what it means to fuck an alien; bet The Water Shapes didn’t get half this real.
    4.) GOLDENEYE – Xenia Onatopp, who has a death orgasm.
    5.) I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE – that scene isn’t good, and it’s not a good film, and in fact I’m pretty sure it’s detestable on a number of levels, but I remember every frame of it.




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  13. Yourself says:

    Also, just registering a prediction here: based on her review of Poison Ivy in the SBIG cast, Carrie’s list is going to be amazing.




    5
    • Tyler "Bio" Rodriguez says:

      I second that notion with a vengeance. The whole list is going to be fun but her list is going to be the highlight.




      1
  14. Not Fenimore says:

    I really don’t know and don’t want to dig deep enough into my subconscious try to figure it out. 😛 So I’m going to have to go with Yourself and pick the one that messed me up the most as a prepubescent: Xenia Onatopp’s introductory kill in Goldeneye. 12-year-old Not Fenimore, terrified and experiencing strange sensations he’s never known before: “What the fuck just happened!? D:”

    Also, that’s an amazing cover art piece this week. Rob chained to the bed, OK. Carrie as… like, some cross between an actual dominatrix and Judge Dredd? Sure. Tims head atop a giant white worm in the closet? WHY NOT? XD




    3
    • Not Fenimore says:

      For the sake of science, I’ve actually figured out my list, and HAHAHAHAHA no I’m not going to share it. Goldeneye is at #2, and the highest ranked “actual” sex scene.

      If I win the free movie, for the love of god just draw another name. 😛




      0
    • Forgot to mention the art this week in my own post. I busted out laughing when I saw it.




      1
    • Tyler "Bio" Rodriguez says:

      Hate to rain on your parade but I some dominatrix’s look like that. How my aunt knows this I truly don’t want to know.




      1
      • Not Fenimore says:

        Lol, on consideration, true enough, but my brain went to Karl Urban first, so that’s what you get. ;P (Besides, the joke isn’t rhythmical if the middle item isn’t a moderate escalation.)

        BETTER POSTER IDEA: Rob as Mark, Carrie as Lisa, Tim as Denny. 😉




        1
    • Yourself says:

      Is Tim in the closet? I got the sense he was walking in on them (doorknobs). Which presumably means Carrie’s chained Rob to Tim’s bed….




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  15. I’m going to go with memorable sex scenes over ones that are “hot”, so that includes scenes that might otherwise be uncomfortable or the direct opposite of erotic in intent or effect.

    As always, off the top of my head:
    Bad Moon – abrupt (it’s less than five minutes into the film, I believe) and with an incredibly violent ending, which features a woman being pulled out of a tent mid-coitus by a werewolf and killed.

    A History of Violence – the stairs scene always appears to be rough and uncomfortable, not to mention resonant given the events of the film and how it effects Viggo Mortensen and Maria Bello’s characters.

    Blade Runner 2049 – maybe this film is a bit fresh to include on this list, but the scene in which K’s A.I. Joi “syncs” with a physical body is intriguing, to say the least.

    Basic Instinct – another scene that’s notable for opening a film: a “mysterious” blonde woman is having an intimate moment with a man in bed, only to pull out an ice pick and stab him to death. Yikes.

    Titanic – the scene in which Jack and Rose finally consummate their relationship is so dreamy that it’s hard for me not to include, even if it has a tendency to be schmaltzy.




    1
    • Also, I forgot an honorable mention: Private Bell’s visions of his wife in The Thin Red Line. Not explicit per se, and maybe my interpretation is completely off, but it seemed to be suggestive at moments and given that other folks have included some scenes that are implicative rather than explicit, I don’t think it’s completely out of place. And if anyone DOES think it’s out of place, I need only remind you I’m talking about THE THIN RED LINE.




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    • Carrie: I was tempted to add Jurassic Park to my list, but unfortunately there’s no money shot so it didn’t apply 😛




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  16. Prickly Pear says:

    Does the Rectum Club scene from Irreversible count?




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  17. Matt Ferguson says:

    Don’t Look Now
    Team America: World Police
    Mind Game
    MacGruber
    Eraserhead




    1
  18. CRD says:

    Well, this is a fun topic.

    1. Don’t Look Now (John and Laura)
    2. Belle De Jour (Séverine’s first fantasy)
    3. Brokeback Mountain (Jack and Ennis)
    4. The Handmaiden (Lady Hideko and Sook-hee…the first time around)
    5. Basic Instinct (the killer and her victim)




    1
  19. Zev Valancy says:

    The threesome in Y TU MAMA TAMBIEN was absolutely earth-shaking.

    …and not a good choice of film to watch with my parents.




    2
    • Carrie Jarosinski Carrie Jarosinski says:

      I watched the clip of this earlier today and have been cracking up ever since, thinking about how horrifying it would be to see this with my parents. 😅




      1
  20. Alex Frith says:

    1. Most enthusiastic (and made sex look like fun to pre-teen me): The Tall Guy (Jeff Goldblum & Emma Thompson)

    2. Most erotic: Enemy at the Gates (Rachel Weisz and Jude Law (or was it Joseph Fiennes?))

    3. Most ridiculous, and therefore memorable: Showgirls (Kyle Maclachlan & Elizabeth Berkeley)

    4. Best metaphorical sex: Dracula (I’m going with Christopher Lee biting Lucy from the first hammer Dracula)

    5. Best sexual encounter without actually having it, ever, almost: the Man with Two Brains (Steve Martin and Kathleen Turner)

    -apologies for the massive hetero bias going on here, not to mention the emphasis on PiV sex which is just one variety – I fully support the reading of ‘sex scene’ as anything involving two or more people playing with each other bits.




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  21. Randall says:

    1. Don’t Look Now
    2. Mulholland Dr.
    3. Showgirls
    4. The Handmaiden
    5. Shoot ‘Em Up




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  22. Cannon Kruk says:

    In no order…

    Blade Runner – Deckard and Rachael

    Some are mentioning 2049 instead but I gotta go with the original, which is after all a romantic mood-piece merely dressed up as a science fiction, and one of the prime late night movies to watch with your girl. The scene in question between Ford and Young is both erotic and vulnerable, rawly staged/shot and of course scored with such sultriness by Vangelis.

    The Last of the Mohicans – Hawkeye and Cora

    No nudity or explicitness, only heated passion between two characters who find a moment for themselves amidst war, drawn together through fort campfires. Their intense embrace of kissing and breathing each other in is all that’s needed to convey their mutual longing.

    Cool World – Jack Deebs and Holli Would (if she could)

    Simply put, a man gets it on with a cartoon. Such a crude and ludicrous premise, yet during my budding sexual adolescence it was one of those scenes that tantalized my young teen brain in ways my higher functions couldn’t quite process. It was kind of amazing in that regard.

    Showgirls – Nomi and Zack

    It’s the kitsch factor. Neon green palm tree lights, a water-spouting dolphin fountain, the way Kyle MacLachlan teasingly lunges for Elizabeth Berkley through showering water like Frankenstein, and the way she in turn over-pantomimes the moment of intercourse …followed soon after by what can only be described as an epileptic orgasm. One can only assume it’s how Martians perceive human procreation.

    Conan the Barbarian – Conan and Valeria

    While listing as best sex scene one that features Arnold Schwarzenegger, among all people, might seem counterintuitive, the intimacy in question nonetheless makes for the sincerest expression of a ruthless world of sword ‘n’ sorcery where the only true meaning for hot-blooded adventurers is to drink from the cup of life in all things danger, treasure, fighting and fucking.




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  23. Brian Fowler says:

    I’m not sure I have a top five, but the two that come to mind are Desperado and the ice cube scene in 9 1/2 Weeks.




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  24. Brian Fowler says:

    Oh my God A History of Violence. I totally forgot about it but yes! They used the two sex scenes to advance plot and exposit character development.




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  25. Grant Hagey says:

    Good episode as usual. Just wanted to let you know that’s the wrong The Notebook linked up top.




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  26. anduinel says:

    Bon Cop, Bad Cop: “Vive le Québec libre!”

    I don’t recall it being a particularly sexy scene, but I nearly laughed myself into a lung collapse.




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  27. Sorry, Rob, but for all my love of Brokeback Mountain, that sex scene was a less plausible demonstration of the laws of physics than the ending of Interstellar and confused the hell out of teenage me for years.




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