Who trusts a horoscope? Do you really think the alignment of stars and planet can tell you anything about your personality, your destiny, your future? Give me a break. There is only one question that can truly pierce into a person’s soul, and reveal the most personal and profound elements of their personality. That questions is, of course, “What is your favorite animation studio?”
Read the answers below, and see if your soul agrees…
Walt Disney Animation
Known for: Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, Beauty and the Beast, The Lion King, Frozen
What it says about you: You are really good at negotiating morality and reconciling conflict. You understand how one person can do cruel things and have bad opinions, yet be kind of a genius and help create truly magical and enduring pieces of art. You understand that a company can be evil, exploiting the labor of workers all around the globe and intent on monopolizing all entertainment until nobody can so much as tell a bedtime story without their permission… but also this company reminds you of your childhood and makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside so you learn to live with it.
Pixar
Known for: Toy Story, Finding Nemo, The Incredibles, Coco
What it says about you: You are a left-brained individual who relishes in the efficiency of machines. You are never happier than when you encounter a precisely plotted story. You are thrilled when you see a photorealistic replica of the San Francisco bay. You are moved by the use of technology to achieve efficient story-telling. You find solace in the fact that we will one day be rid of our decadent bodies and live forever as flash-drives… And yet your soul is cold and searches for emotion. You stare at the dead eyes of computer-generated cartoon and you weep. This is your catharsis. This is what keeps you from being a perfect machine.
Dreamworks
Known for: Shrek, Madagascar, Kung Fu Panda, How to Train Your Dragon
What it says about you: You will follow your instincts wherever they take you, as long as they’ll make you money. You can have lofty aspirations to make important religious epics, but you will abandon such dreams if you find out a more lucrative option in fart jokes and pop songs. Sometimes your ventures will result in quality stuff -but this is beside the point- what really matters to you is making bank. If people love stories with heart, then great, but if all they want is a singing donkey, then who are you to deny them?
Illumination
Known for: Despicable Me, Minions, The Secret Life of Pets, The Grinch
What it says about you: You are three years old. By the time you become an adult you’ll be really embarrassed you ever liked such nakedly cash-grabby entertainment. You will understand that the round design and loud noises of the Minions were chosen by a big corporation specifically to appeal to your young self and thus get your parents to spend money and you’ll be really upset about this. Perhaps you’ll become a staunch anti-capitalist. Eventually, you’ll make peace with the fact that you were just a kid, hopelessly seduced by weird shapes and bright colors.
Laika
Known for: Coraline, Paranorman, The Boxtrolls, Kubo and the Two Strings
What it says about you: You were the weird kid in high school. You probably had an emo band and spent a lot of time shopping at Hot Topic. You weren’t popular with other students, but most of the teachers seemed to like you. Mr. Nichols could tell there was a real artistic vision behind your drawings and Mrs. Wagner appreciated your short stories, even if they were a little creepy for her taste.
Blue Sky
Known for: Ice Age, Robots, Rio, Ferdinand
What it says about you: You have no personality. I’m not even sure you’re an actual person.
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Conrado Falco is a New York-based playwright who loves movies. He publishes most of his film writing at CocoHitsNY, but the best way to keep up with him is to follow him on Twitter (@CocoHitsNewYork).