I remember when July was the month for blockbusters. Now they mostly hit in May and June, leaving only one effects-o-rama for the next four weeks. Which is good. Because effects-o-ramas suck by and large, even if they are fun to see on the big screen. What really bothers me is that the local art theatres aren’t bringing anything interesting in for the foreseeable future. I must be honest: this is the least-exciting month of 2006 for me thus far.
Norbizness has a snarkier, and therfore truer version of the same.
7.7.2006
A sequel to a film that really didn’t cry out for one, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest brings back all the usual suspects to answer the question, “Can Johnny Depp save an overlong CGI epic twice in a row?” Be honest now, the first one worked almost solely because you were so shocked by how loopy his performance was (that, and pirates are fucking cool). Without that shock factor, I wonder if this will be interesting at all. Worth mentioning, this is my pick for highest grossing film of 2006.
The two films I’m really excited about (even though I’m going to Pirates opening night with, God only knows why, my parents): A Scanner Darkly, Richard Linklater’s new Waking Life-esque Philip K. Dick adaptation. I loved his earlier animated film, I like all of his movies, and I would cut off my pinky for Keanu to be removed from this cast. And Strangers with Candy, prequel to the annoyingly under-seen Comedy Central series with Amy Sedaris. One big problem: the trailer all but announces, “the only reason to see this film AT ALL is your allegiance to the annoyingly under-seen series!”
14.7.2006
Apparently between Pirates and Superman Returns, this wasn’t the weekend to release anything big. So instead we get the most grotesque-looking project of 2006: Little Man, directed by one of the Wayanses and starring two of the others. You know that episode of every cartoon series ever where a short mobster pretends to be a baby to break into somebody’s house? It’s live-action now. And the compositing to make Marlon Wayans look two feet tall is, to judge from the trailer, the worst use of a computer in the history of time. Also, Wilson Brothers Month, part 1: You, Me and Dupree, starring Owen as a slacker who moves in with his best friend and his best friend’s new wife, Kate Hudson. If there’s a chance for this film to be anything but jackhammer-annoying, please inform me as to how.
Indie-wise, the coasts get The Oh in Ohio, in which sex is had and it’s trendy and edgy, because somewhere along the line that’s what “indie” came to mean.We in Chicago get Leonard Cohen: I’m Your Man, which would probably excite me a little bit more if (please don’t hurt me) I’d ever once heard Leonard Cohen.
21.7.2006
I liked The Sixth Sense just fine, but everything M. Night Shyamalan has done since then has confirmed to me that he’s a one-trick pony with no real sense of the cinematic. But I will be seeing Lady in the Water, not because of the increasingly bad trailers, but for my Paul Giamatti love. The people who brought us The Polar Express have come up with an even more grotesque looking film in Monster House; I’m serious, watch the trailer, and tell me if those kids aren’t the most unappealing-looking characters in animation history. Kevin Smith comes out with Clerks II, and while it can’t conceivably be as bad as Jersey Girl, I have to wonder when he’s just going to fucking give up – Kevin, you had one idea, and it was a fine one, now stop writing. Also, Wilson Brothers Month, part 2: Luke in My Super Ex-Girlfriend, with Uma Thurman as a jilted superhero, and down to director Ivan Reitman, this is high-concept 80’s romantic comedy to its very bones.
26.7.2006
And it’s a Wednesday opening for…a Sundance-bred comedy. Huh? Anyway, Little Miss Sunshine has two fantastically quirky trailers (one with Sufjan Steven’s “Chicago”), and even if “Sundance comedy” is usually a shorthand for “hideously unendurable,” this has such a great cast and warped sensibility (Steve Carell as: suicidal gay man) that I can’t help but be optimistic.
28.7.2006
So many films…the box-office winner shall certainly be Miami Vice, the latest in Michael Mann’s favored genre (“gritty yet stylish cop movie”). I really don’t get a whole lot of joy from Mann’s films, and I can’t help but wonder if this needed the TV tie-in: couldn’t you just change the title and character names and make the same film without the anticipation of a garish ’80s spectacle that shall surely remain unfulfilled? And I have only this to say about the long-promised teaming of Colin Farrell and Jamie Foxx: ew.
Movies that I’m looking forward to: Woody and ScarJo reunite for Scoop, apparently a supernatural redo of Manhattan Murder Mystery. Now that we don’t have to worry about “will this finally be the long-awaited good Woody Allen film?” it should be possible to get down to the business of just enjoying a silly comedy without freaking out that it’s not a masterpiece. Also, America: From Freedom to Fascism, which wears its theme right there in its title, and let’s be honest, none of the current crop of liberal agitprop has produced anything particularly good or memorable, but I see it all anyway.
Movies I’m not looking forward to: raunchy teen comedies (really raunchy: check out the character names) meet queer therory in Another Gay Movie, and I’m all about mainstream acceptance, but is this actually a stride forward? Can’t we just have a whole lot of Brokebacks? In this corner, the heteros fight back with John Tucker Must Die, and I like the title a little bit, but it’s one of those “cast of young pop stars” type things, where you realize watching the trailer that the draw is all of these performers whom you’ve never heard of and never will again.
Rounding it out: Brothers of the Head, the first fiction work by a pair of movie making-of documentary gods (they of Lost in La Mancha and The Hamster Factor), about which I know little save that punk-haters such as myself are going to have a hard time of it; and some goddamn cartoon.