January’s all wrapped up, but movie dumping season continues. Though as much as there doesn’t seem to be anything “good” on the horizon, it still strikes me that there’s nothing that promises to be as slam-dunk apocalyptically bad as we’ve usually gotten by the end of the second month of the year. Maybe 2011 is going to be mellower than 2010? I can live with that.
I’m going to be with my parents this weekend for unrelated reasons, leading to this conversation:
MY MOM: “Do you want to see the new James Cameron movie?”
ME: “…Avatar 2?”
MOM: “No, it’s in a cave.”
ME: “Avatar 2 is underwater. And it doesn’t open for four more years.”
MOM: “This is a 3-D movie in a cave.”
ME: “And James Cameron made it?”
MOM: “Well, his name was in the commercial”.
So, kudos to the marketing folk behind Sanctum! You have succeeded in getting the right people to be interested in seeing it while completely bypassing a fellow like me who prides himself on being aware of every upcoming release (I guess I knew it was coming, but I think I’ve seen one trailer in the last two months). And, for what it’s worth, at least three people will be paying to see it in 3-D, but probably not IMAX, on Saturday.
Elsewhere: The Roommate, which has the tang of “Single White Female goes to college”, which could be trashy fun, or could just be trashy. And, though it’s not a national release, I feel compelled to single out the start of the platform release of Cold Weather, given that Aaron Katz is an indie filmmaker much better than the particular field of indie film (inarticulate young people) that he’s working in.
I can’t help but think of The Eagle as Centurion 2; the big difference is swapping out Michael Fassbender for Channing Tatum, which is just about the most drastic drop in quality that you could possibly imagine between leading actors. But, I am something of a whore for costume dramas of men with swords, even if I virtually never like them. Even ones starring Channing Tatum.
More stuff! An actual farce-looking comedy, even if it stars Adam Sandler (yuck) and Jennifer Aniston (maybe), two actors not particularly noted for their farcical skills; though who is these days? Which is all to say, I shouldn’t be remotely optimistic about Just Go with It, and yet here I am. It cannot possibly be a good thing that the trailers are doing to much to hide the fact that Nicole Kidman is in the film, right?
The year’s first animated picture: Gnomeo & Juliet, looking awfully like something so bad that John Lasseter tried to abort it, but it managed to sneak out through Touchstone Pictures anyway (maybe Lasseter’s position of autocratic ruler of Disney animation only extends as far as Pixar and Disney Animation Studios?). Still, what can you do? First animated picture of the year is an awfully good place for even a shitty film to find itself.
Smaller release: Cedar Rapids, which I mention largely because the trailer is playing incessantly at my local arthouse, and it looks about as funny as throat cancer.
Lastly, a prayer: please, please, please, do not let Justin Bieber: Never Say Never win the weekend box office. Because I will see it, and I will drink myself into a coma whilst doing so.
I don’t know about you, but I feel like I can breathe again, now that the Big Momma trilogy is complete, with Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son.
There’s some kind of teen conspiracy action paranormal thriller thing called I Am Number Four, but all I really need to know is that the trailer proudly declares “From the director of Disturbia” which is like saying “from the head chef of the Wendy’s down the block”; and cunningly, they have failed to mention that he’s also the director of Eagle Eye, which was out-and-out shit where Disturbia was just mediocre. Also, it appears from the trailer that Alex Pettyfer, apparently a popular pretty young thing despite having never appeared in anything marginally successful, can’t outact the CGI around him.
Another “Liam Neeson Brings Undeserved Sensitivity and Gravitas to a Lousy Chase Thriller” picture, Unknown, and as wanton fanboy of the genre, I could not be happier. Seriously. We all have our blind spots.
NIC CAGE COMING AT YOU IN SCREAMING 3-D! DRIVE ANGRY 3D! IT IS 3-D NIC CAGE VERSUS THE DEVIL! IN 3-D!
If that’s somehow insufficient, the Farrelly brothers have come back from wherever they’ve been with Hall Pass, a swinger comedy; there’s also Shelter, a murder mystery starring Julianne Moore, which hopefully means it won’t be entirely bad.