We’re not even 48 hours from the opening of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, a film that has been giving me all sorts of fits for over a year now: if the rebirth of one of my favorite popcorn franchises wasn’t enough to get the enthusiasm/fear gland running hot, the release of any new Spielberg film would be more than enough.
With nothing else to blog about for the next couple of days, I’ve decided to work out my last few spasms of anticipation in public, trying to convince myself that it won’t be good at all (so when it’s decent, I’m pleasantly surprised) and also admitting to some of the things that keep giving me hope. To start with something easy, here’s a half-dozen reasons to assume that Indiana Jones and the KOCS will suck gnats:
1) It’s a return to a series that ended 19 years ago with a film whose very title underscored the degree to which everything about it was meant to give us closure. He rides off into the freaking sunset!
2) The last time Indy’s creator, producer George Lucas went back to a much-loved trilogy to release a new film to unimaginable levels of hype, the results were… unprepossessing.
3) What was the appeal of the original trilogy, if not the delight in watching an unabashed throwback to the cheap serials of the ’30s and ’40s? In Indy 4: CGI.
4) In the first and third film, Indy chased after objects that have been famous MacGuffins for centuries. In the second film, he was searching for real artifacts that were corrupted almost beyond recognition for their appearance in the movie. This is at least part of what makes the first and third moves far more enjoyable. In the new movie, he’s apparently looking for something that only exists in the world of the film.
5) If the very best one-liners and stunts were on display in the second trailer, we’re fucked.
6) Steven Spielberg used to make incredibly fun movies. In the current decade, his fun movies have been the likes of Minority Report and War of the Worlds, both of which were depressing. Who wants to see a depressing Indiana Jones flick, exactly? (Yes, Catch Me If You Can was fun, but it’s hardly what we want the new Indy film to look like).