Every summer, people bitch about how it was the worst summer for movies ever. I’m not going to do that. But I will say that it’s the worst summer since 2004, in which Spider-Man 2 was the single bright light in a field of I, Robots and Troys and Catwomans.
Although there was also The Bourne Supremacy. And Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. So I don’t know, maybe this was the worst summer ever.
Anyway, to my point: it’s not impossible for August to redeem a whole season. Let us cross our fingers.
3.8.2007
If my count is right, The Bourne Ultimatum is the fifth “third film” of the summer, and I’ve gotten a little singed from the way that I’ve been consistently let down, so I will not allow my deep affection for the first two convince me that this will be totally awesome. It’s taking some effort.
Standing in diametric opposition: Underdog, which looks like it will be high in the running for the coveted “worst film of the summer” trophy. I think that the only positive aspect of this film’s opening will be that I won’t have to see that damn trailer with Jason Lee voicing the (live action!) dog any more.
In El Cantante, J-Lo and Marc Antony make a vanity film biopic, and the hearts of all true Bad Movie fans flutter in anticipation. And if that’s not enough hott biography axxxion for you, Anne Hathaway of Brooklyn stars as Jane Austen in Shakespeare in Love: Only with “Pride and Prejudice” Instead. Mean Girls gets remade as a tie-in to some hideous anorexic dolls with Bratz. And then there is a literal Will Ferrell cast-off, Hot Rod, designed as a trial run for the bright young thing Andy Samberg, whose name should apparently fill me with delight, if only I had a clue who he was. I’ll give him bonus points for all but admitting that the reason the film sucks is that the studio specifically told him they didn’t want it to be good.
7.8.2007
Flash! Ah-a! Saviour of the universe!
Flash! Ah-a! He’ll save every one of us!
8.8.2007
Daddy Day Camp. I don’t have the fortitude to deal with the implications of this film’s existence.
10.8.2007
You know how many films Chris Tucker has been in since 2001’s Rush Hour 2? That’s right, zero! And do you know how much money he’s making for Rush Hour 3? That’s right, $25,000,000! God bless Hollywood.
Chipper indie comedy: Rocket Science. Neutered werewolf film that wasn’t going to be good anyway, now on its third release date: Skinwalkers. Latest doomed attempt to make Neil Gaiman work on film: Stardust, starring everybody who exists. I should confess to really liking the source novel, as indeed I like everything that he has touched; for I am well and truly a nerd.
17.8.2007
Reasons to be excited about The Invasion: director Oliver Hirschbiegel’s Downfall was a flat-out masterpiece; Daniel Craig is still in the honeymoon period following Casino Royale; Nicole Kidman is always easy on the eyes, although her acting is inconsistent, to be nice about it.
Reasons not to be excited about The Invasion: once the the studio gets through with it, there won’t be much of Hirschbiegel’s film left; if there are any more remakes of Invasion of the Body Snatchers, they’ll need their own section at Blockbuster.
Reasons to be excited about Superbad: Michael Cera! Seth Rogen! McLovin! Michael Cera! Michael Cera saying “fuck!”
Reasons not to be excited about Superbad: …um…there must be something. I mean, the title is kind of stupid.
Also, The Last Legion: Colin Firth in a Roman warrior epic. I suppose it shall be both as bad and as hot as one would expect.
24.8.2007
WAR! Huh! Good God, y’all. What is it good for? Absolutely giving Jason Statham another chance at long-deserved stardom! Say it again!
Right, so we’ve got an historical film about Mormons butchering people, which really just sounds like a scandal in search of a vehicle: September Dawn. Also another Mr. Bean film, because if the first one proved anything, it’s that the character could survive being exploded to feature length and remain funny rather than embarrassing and tedious and making me wonder why I ever actually liked the show. And Scarlett Johansson continues her slow drift into fluffy obsolescence with The Nanny Diaries.
31.8.2007
I don’t say this with a great deal of comfort, but I respect Rob Zombie as a filmmaker. His trailer was the highlight of Grindhouse for me, and The Devil’s Rejects is one of the vanishingly few films that can withstand – and even require – comparison with the great nasty horror classics of the 1970s. So it perplexes me to no end that he’s putting his distinctive talent on a remake, and of all things a remake of one of the few masterpieces in the genre’s history: Halloween. To be sure, the original was not flawless, but its flaws are not the sort that a remake, particularly a Rob Zombie remake, are likely to address. I am afraid of this film, but not in the proper way.
What else is getting released on the last weekend of summer 2007? Well, James Wan, that saucy auteur behind Saw and Dead Silence is making his first project without buddy and noted butcher of the English language, Leigh Whannell: Death Sentence, a revenge flick along the “Norris” model. Also: Balls of Fury, which is of course going to be sophomoric and unfunny – the title, dude – but at least it has Chris Walken delivering lines in a weird voice.
And then, the 322 day wait for The Dark Knight begins.