A review requested by Gavin, with thanks to supporting Alternate Ending as a donor through Patreon. The first question that I think would be at the forefront of anyone’s mind upon a first viewing of Pinocchio and the Emperor of the Night would be “how could such a thing possibly have come into being in […]
If you’ve ever thought that the story of how the blessed virgin Mary met and wed the Nazarene carpenter Joseph before the two of them traveled to Bethlehem in time for her to give birth to the Son of God would be a really great subject for a teen romcom… wow. I am concerned about […]
My hope for The Pope’s Exorcist before I watched it was that Russell Crowe’s instantly-legendary spicy meat-a-ball of an “Italian” accent would remain amusing throughout the film’s 103-minute length. This was akin to hoping, upon starting a trip to Yosemite, that you’d see some large trees: you’d get what you wanted even more than you […]
A review requested by STinG, with thanks to supporting Alternate Ending as a donor through Patreon. If there is such a thing as “objective” quality in cinema, then Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky is objectively a bad movie. Fortunately, there is no such thing as objective quality in cinema. Sure, you could point to lots […]
A review requested by Kelleson, with thanks to supporting Alternate Ending as a donor through Patreon. Do you have a movie you’d like to see reviewed? This and other perks can be found on our Patreon page! Midway through director Frank Henenlotter’s sixth and (thus far) last narrative feature, the 2008 Bad Biology, one of […]
Every week this summer, we’ll be taking an historical tour of the Hollywood blockbuster by examining an older film that is in some way a spiritual precursor to one of the weekend’s wide releases. This week: Jurassic World Dominion continues its franchise’s burning question of what happens in a version of the modern world where […]
“If you like watching naked people have sex, it’s incredibly hot.” –-Sharon (Noël VanBrocklin), a character in Witchcraft XVI: Hollywood Coven, reviewing Witchcraft XI: Sisters in Blood, and by extension, every other Witchcraft picture As I write these words, Witchcraft XVI: Hollywood Coven is the last of the direct-to-video Witchcraft movies, and there’s a clear […]
There is dumb, and then there is Roland Emmerich dumb. To wit: -Dumb: “William Shakespeare’s” plays were written by a nobleman, possibly Edward De Vere. Roland Emmerich Dumb: Also King James I was a gay dwarf. -Dumb: The Mayans predicted the end of the world in the year 2012. Roland Emmerich Dumb: This will happen […]
A franchise whose heights are as low as the Witchcraft series tends to force a pretty severe recalibration of one’s scale for “good” and “bad”, so it speaks to nothing at all that is objectively true for me to call Witchcraft XI: Sisters in Blood a pretty substantial jump up in quality. Or at least […]
1996’s Witchcraft VIII: Salem’s Ghost is what you might call the Halloween III: Season of the Witch of the Witchcraft series. By this I do not mean that it was initially regarded as a terrible misstep that was later rediscovered by a later generation of series fans who considered it to be something of a […]
Intermittently throughout the summer, we’ll be taking an historical tour of the Hollywood blockbuster by examining an older film that is in some way a spiritual precursor to a major new release. This week: David Lowery and A24 have brought us a moody art-film version of most beloved of 14th Century romances in the form […]
Ah, Witchcraft! Perhaps the only series of movies I have ever encountered where “the first super-porny one” and “thank God the acting is at least better this time” can be used to refer to one and the same entry. In this case, I am looking at 1993’s Witchcraft V: Dance with the Devil, which finds […]
